Every human has emotional, mental and spiritual needs. And certainly those differ from person to person. The trick is who or what you use/ask to meet the needs.
One area that I have observed that is way out of whack is our use of work in meeting needs. Many folks have expectations of their employers that are totally unrealistic. One of the best examples is unspoken (unwritten in most cases) agreement when a job is taken/filled..Often the employee sees it as a statement of worth that "xyz" employer would hire him or her. Conversely, the employer assumes the employee knows that the relationship is conditional. Conditional in that the job remains as long as the economic output justifies it.
I belieive you're responsible for yourself and not your employer. My point is the necessity of going in with eyes wide open. Doing and creating great work doesn't hurt either.
There's a blockbuster movie playing right now. Have you seen this movie? Don't get me wrong, the movie may not be your cup of tea. You may hate it. You may love it.
It's your life.
My reel has been going on for some time now. So many roles and so many questions. The challenge is you can't sit back with a bowl of popcorn and see it unfold. Other people can, though.
Enter Brian.
Brian told me the other week that he's been watching my movie. He gave me confirmation of what I hoped was unfolding (significance versus success). I think I nodded and thanked him with a level of awkwardness. The awkwardness came from my recollection of the times that I screwed up. Those scenes you'd rather have left on the cutting room floor. I still walked away, just the same, happy for the glimpse.
Do you have someone who can tell you what your movie has been like? Here's the trick, if you walk around like a dead man or woman, most people will have a hard time remembering anything you've created. I'm struck by how our world allows human beings to walk around like a zombies.
One of my coaching clients sent me this article on entrepreneurism. Specifically, the coming change in our workplace landscape. Many would say we're under way and I agree. The article includes a telling infographic as well.
So what are you doing about the shift? No drastic measures needed (maybe), just some hard looking and processing. One of the best ways to do this is written planning. Brainstorm the thing and ask lots of questions. By the way, throw the glamour, riches and elation around your employer out the window. This is about your work (the unique talents, gifts and passions forged into one), not your career, not your 401K.
I've written about this topic for some time. It was nice to have a client forward on an article of this magnitude. It encouraged me and it made me realize the work still to be done.
I've been thinking a lot about value lately. Specifically, the conversations and presence with my kids. In the last seven years my core has been fully engaged with them. Not because I'm some rock star at parenting or a nominee for father of the year. Believe me, I've tripped and blown it more times than I care to remember. It has been a God-induced form of luck, struggles and on-purpose effort.
I didn't always find real value in my kids. I loved them and many times justified my career chasing as a benefit they'd reap from. I was afraid and self-absorbed. Always thinking I would get the time, find the time or that time would send me a relationship wrapped in red ribbons. It is about prioritizing and being deliberate about pouring yourself into the relationship. I was humbled by that truth. And, yes, it carries tremendous risk. Living always presents this and there is no living without it.
I'm now at a place where I understand true value and I am learning the art of living it out. Living it out means seeing, in the arena of my family, my relationship with them as equally valuable as a financial pursuit or a social engagement.
Here's the potential rub for you and me. If we're not careful we'll allow our career to dominate the other 7/8ths of life. Like a drug, we'll want (not need) that fix. You know, the feeling of importance, fake significance and most dangerously, identity. Don't fall for this, don't buy into your employer who tries to convince you that their most important should be your most important. Like Steven Pressfield's Resistance, in the book, The War of Art, there is something fighting against your best intentions.
A few years ago a friend of mine told me he thought I was courageous to walk away from a career that had taken over much of my life. I wasn't, but I did see (sometimes not clearly) value in life and living. That truth remains.
I've known Dan Schawbel for quite a few years now and he is one of the best when it comes to the art of personal branding. His new book, Promote Yourself: The New Rules of Career Success, distills great advice to all who want move their careers forward.
I really appreciate Dan's answer to the first question. I try remember what makes me special and who the right audience is, daily. Enjoy!
You were one of the first thought leaders to talk about personal
branding. How has it changed over the last 5 years?
Personal
branding is the process by which we unearth what makes us special and then
communicate it to the right audience. You could also say it's what people say
when you're not in the room and how you position yourself in the marketplace.
The basics of personal branding haven't changed but the technology has and we
have to adapt to it in order to build and maintain our careers. The web, and
the media, is a lot more fragmented and competitive now which is the biggest
change from my perspective. Getting publicity is both easier and harder because
the web is more open, there are more channels but that means more competition.
The conversation has changed from five years ago. The conversation used to be
about how to build a brand using social networks five years ago because it was
so new. Today, it's all about standing out in the crowd.
Tell me a little about your partnership with American Express.
I
partnered with American Express to study two different things that are both
related. First, we wanted to know what managers look for when promoting in the
workplace. Second, we wanted to see if millennials and their managers were on
the same page when it came to career success. We surveyed 1,000 millennial
employees and 1,000 of their managers and uncovered some interesting findings.
We found that millennials have a positive view of their managers, while their
managers had a negative view of them. We also uncovered that managers are
looking for an employee with strong soft skills over one with hard skills when
promoting. Another interesting thing was that a lot of companies don't give any
feedback and some don't even have annual performance reviews. Social media
isn't embraced at all in most companies still and managers don't really care if
an employee has social media skills. This will all change in the future as
millennials become managers.
What’s one strategic way to promote yourself inside of a large
organization?
The best way to promote yourself inside of a large organize is
to go above and beyond your job description and expand your responsibilities.
This does a few things for you. First, it takes the load off of your manager so
that they can concentrate on taking on projects that will help them get ahead,
which will in effect get you ahead. Second, people will start perceiving you as
a future leader so you will advance faster than your peers. Third, it will give
you more experience and make you more valuable to your firm. If all you do is
what you did yesterday, it's impossible to get ahead at work.
In your book you detail how social media impacts personal
branding. Has social media made the traditional resume obsolete?
The traditional resume is evolving and will eventually be
displaced by your online presence. You could look at LinkedIn as being the
"new resume" but it's really just your online presence. What does the
internet say about you? The problem with the traditional resume is that
everyone ends up looking the same and it only shows what you've done in the
past. The web is all about what's happening now. Your online presence gives
employers an idea of what you're thinking today and in the future.
What advice would you give to the millennial worker who feels
stuck and overlooked in their current role?
If
you feel stuck there are a number of things you can do to get unstuck. First,
you need to go to your manager and ask for more responsibilities outside of
your current ones. If that doesn't work and you've been at your company for two
years, then try and apply to other positions at your current company. If that
doesn't work, then you have three more options. You could go to graduate
school, which is only a good idea if a degree is required or highly encouraged
in your field. You could quit and start a company but that only works if you've
already been working on it on nights and weekends and have enough money saved
up to pursue it. You can take a job at a different company if you find one or
if a recruiter emails you about one. It really depends on your career
aspirations, how much money you've saved and who is in your network to support
you.
Got to thinking this morning about worry and the time extinguished by it. I can't think of one instance in my life where worry has produced a breakthrough, happiness or satisfaction. You are probably thinking I've just entered the "duh" zone because we all know this. Right? The truth is many know, but few do.
So why bother worrying? Who taught us how to worry? Who wrote the book on the 10 Proven Success Strategies of Worrying?
The take-away is found in our lack of embrace of life and the time given (implies a gift) to us on this big ball known as Earth. We don't see our life as a whole, but parts. We pick and choose what we like (usually the pain-fee comfortable ones) and ignore or run from the others. Believe me, I understand that it's not all a matter of choosing the path you might be on. Some of us were influenced by parents, teachers, marketing, and society's version of the truth. We thought we were making the right choice. Like the person who places their trust in someone who seemed honest, but was just a good actor/actress. Regardless of that, we cannot excuse ourselves from making a change for the better.
The value of today has all but been erased in our thought process. We're too busy to stop and look around. Wer're rushing to things and outcomes that we can't be sure have any value at all. Almost like closing your eyes, jumping and hoping that what you've been taught will deliver. This is really a vivid portrait of a culture taking much for granted. We don't stop and ask the tough questions of why, does this fit who I am, is this meaningful to me?
So how much time do you have to get this life in order?
I'm throwing the following out to you as way of stopping you in your tracks:
Stop denying who you are! Stop stuffing the real you in a closet for the sake of the opinions of others. I think Steve Jobs referred to this as "others dogma." If you've decided to put all your chips on being someone else, then prepare to meet the real you further down the road.
Stop thinking you have time to get around to X or Y. This is akind to someone who continues to ignore their human relationships. They figure the other person doesn't need to hear certain words (I Love You) becuase they already know it's true. Goodbye is the usual outcome here. Warped logic.
Stop embracing your career as if having a great career will make everything else fall into place. Listen up, I tried this and it does not work.
Stop bankrupting your opportunities for happiness. This happens when you abdicate the choice of happiness to circumstances, people, etc.
Create a stop-doing list and create the margin your life has been screaming for. A stop-doing list is simply you evaluating the habits, events, etc. and making the concisous decision to stop.
My friend, Marc, shared this performance by Carlos Santana and Wayne Shorter with me and it truly inspired. Instrumental music has always created space in my head to dream, write and most importantly live freely. The genre of jazz has always struck me as a living music as well. The movement, the improvisation, the unexpected beauty.
Looking back has tremendous value. I'm not referring to looking back with regret. Looking back with regret usually leads to mental paralysis. I'm speaking of looking back to gain perspective and clarity.
For me, a large part of the looking back thing is getting a sense of the notes God's been playing in the symphony of life. This has helped me be more aware of what the future could look like. My gut becomes centered around knowing what my next move should be. Here recently, the movement in that symphony tells me change is coming in my life.
Now before you think this is some overly spiritual pursuit or a complex riddle to solve, it can be very straightforward if you let it. For example, let's say your history in work has been most successful in large organizations. Maybe you've excelled there because of structure and well-established processes. Now, a new, smaller organization wants you to come on board and do your magic. Looking back will help you understand where you've performed best and what environments work best for you. It doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't work for a small organization because they're still forming, it just means looking back can inform you of where you perform best. It might even be a predictor of your success. I've had to make more than a few mistakes in this dept. to learn this.
The following are what I consider to be keys to the looking back thing:
Stay away from regret when looking back. You can't rewrite history, so no sense in lingering over what could have been. This is hard work and your wellbeing will be the better for it.
Be humble. Don't think of yourself as rock star. An inflated ego will always distort your view.
Look back to inform and keep record of it. Refer back to it often.
Don't look for guarantees. Be willing to make a mistake. Often, mistakes lead to breakthroughs.
Find someone or people to be a sounding board for what you're thinking.
Get a coach. It can help you clear the clutter and find the gold hidden.
When I got the email regarding Dr. Norman Rosenthal and his new book, The Gift of Adverstiy: The Unexpected Benefits of Life's Difficulties, Setbacks, and Imperfections, I was intrigued by the title of the book and his story. Dr. Rosenthal's background, and his coming of age in the Apatheid era of South Africa, are powerful introductions to someone who has faced many depths of adversity. As I look back on my own journey I am convinced that adversity is a gift.
I hope you'll be inspired by the following interview I had the pleasure of doing with Dr. Rosenthal:
Your experiences are vast and diverse. What do you
want the reader to walk away with after reading the book?
I
want the reader to come away with a sense of hope that although adversities are
unwanted and sometimes painful and even disabling, whether they are large or
small, there are often ways out of those dark places and, most important,
lessons to be gained from the journey. Those are the gifts of adversity.
What’s
different about people who accept and work thru the gift of adversity?
People
who are willing to accept reality are ahead of the game-as opposed to those
who deny reality and resort to fantasy. They will assess their situation,
reach out for help and support, and find ways to overcome, and learn from,
adversity. The book offers many specific guidelines as to how to do so.
In your book, you detail the challenges of growing up
in the Apartheid era in South Africa. How did that shape your perspective on
seeing adversity as a gift?
Apartheid
brought with it a great deal of adversity, especially for the Blacks who
labored most under its yoke. Adversity was everywhere in evidence, and I
specifically deal with it, for example, by discussing the lives of the servants
who worked for my family and the torture experienced by a cousin of mine. But the whites also suffered from the guilt of watching and often taking
no action.
What
role does arrogance play in a person’s ability to consider or handle adversity?
An
arrogant person takes on a position of superiority in relation to others. He is unlikely to learn from mistakes because he doesn't acknowledge his
mistakes. Humble people are more likely to learn and grow from adversity. In one chapter I discuss how it is important to learn something from
everyone.
Who’s
inspiring you right now?
My
patients always inspire me by the courage with which they embrace their
problems and the creativity with which they work around them to live rich and
diverse lives. Kind people inspire me. I see kindness every day,
and it warms my heart.
In The
Gift of Adversity by Dr. Normal Rosenthal, the noted research psychiatrist
explores how life's disappointments and difficulties provide us with the
lessons we need to become better, bigger, and more resilient human beings. The
book is available for purchase on Amazon.com
About Dr. Norman Rosenthal
The New York
Times-bestselling author of Transcendence:
Healing and Transformation through Transcendental Meditation, Winter Blues and How to Beat Jet Lag, Norman
E. Rosenthal, M.D., attended the University of the Witwatersrand in his
native South Africa. He moved to the United States and was resident and chief
resident at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital and the New York Psychiatric Institute.
He has conducted research at the National Institute of Mental Health for over
twenty years. It was there that he first described and diagnosed Seasonal
Affective Disorder (SAD). Dr. Rosenthal is a clinical professor of psychiatry
at Georgetown Medical School and has maintained a private practice in the
Washington, DC metropolitan area for the past thirty years. Rosenthal is the
author or co-author of over 200 professional articles and several popular
books, including Winter Blues, the classic work on SAD. He currently serves as
medical director and CEO of Capital Clinical Research Associates in Rockville,
Maryland, where he directs clinical trials in both pharmaceuticals and
complementary and alternative medicine.
In my last post I outlined the importance of embracing the 90/10 rule. Today I have something to share from my own experience relating to the 10% part of the rule. You can definitely apply this to your career and many other areas of life.
My wife and I moved our 8 year-old daughter to a new school back in December. I won't elaborate on our reasons, but in the end we thought it better for her to be at a different school. We prayed, we researched and we took action.
It was my thought that my daughter would transition well. My main reason for thinking this way was her personality (social animal who has never met a stranger) wiring. I felt she would make friends, rise to the occasion and the rest would be history.
Now here's what I didn't expect: a little girl that desperately wants everyone to like her. I know those of you out there who are counselors would remind me that I didn't prepare her for the inevitable rejection she would encounter. Fair enough.
My main point here is that-smart or dumb-I really didn't expect this challenge. And I am discovering things about my daughter that I didn't know before. Fortunately, I have a wife who carries much wisdom and I am being sensitive to my daughter's movement through a big change.
So what if I denied that my daughter was experiencing this? What if I ignored it? You know what the results would be.
Here are some specific insights for dealing with the 10%:
You don't have to like what happens, you just have to tackle it head on (delicately in the case of my daughter).
Don't expect things to be easy (change is a process, not an event).
You will make mistakes in your dealing with the 10%. Just ask my daughter on this one:).
Sometimes you're gonna be powerless to do anything. That's OK, you don't have control over everything in life.
There's a reason the 10% could be considered the land of the crucible. Fire makes impurities rise to the surface. We need to get rid of those, and that can be painful.
Going in With Eyes Wide Open
Every human has emotional, mental and spiritual needs. And certainly those differ from person to person. The trick is who or what you use/ask to meet the needs.
One area that I have observed that is way out of whack is our use of work in meeting needs. Many folks have expectations of their employers that are totally unrealistic. One of the best examples is unspoken (unwritten in most cases) agreement when a job is taken/filled..Often the employee sees it as a statement of worth that "xyz" employer would hire him or her. Conversely, the employer assumes the employee knows that the relationship is conditional. Conditional in that the job remains as long as the economic output justifies it.
I belieive you're responsible for yourself and not your employer. My point is the necessity of going in with eyes wide open. Doing and creating great work doesn't hurt either.