Epic Living

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Crazy Part of Thanksgiving

The crazy part of thanksgiving is we're not that thankful-at least most of us. It's not a conscious act that makes us un-thankful. Most people have good intentions. However, as you know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Can you feel me here?

I used to wonder in my homeland why people tend to get thankful at Thanksgiving and during the general holiday season. I don't any longer. It's very clear that we Americans like entitlement. Yes, you heard me, we like entitlement(s). Look around and look within, the beast lives within. Whether we're impatient for traffic to "get moving" or anger that we didn't get a pat on the back from our employer, we feel like we're owed. I won't even pull out my list of embarrassing things in my past that made me feel entitled. I live a different life now than I did in those days past. Just the same, I have to keep careful watch over my reactions to circumstances that don't cater to me.

Here's some encouragement to consider:

Take a moment and ponder present or past losses. When you do that, you'll find out what's worth being thankful for
Find some way to remind yourself daily to be thankful. I use my iCloud calendar to do this. Find a system that works for you
Exit the stuff not worthy of the gift of time. I can't figure this one for you, it's a dance you must do alone
If the herd says go left, you should think hard about going right. The herd got us into this constant state of distraction
Read this profile of a man who knew he was running out of time and did

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nov 27, 2013 6:59:00 PM | Coaching, Learning, Wellbeing

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

What Martin Taught Me

I feel like I could re-post this everyday, for the obvious and the not-so obvious truth that we need courage.

Back in January, I watched a You Tube clip from 1965 of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It was taken from a segment of Meet the Press. Dr. King was being interviewed by journalists about events that had occurred in Selma, Alabama. The questions were tough and circumstances of the time even tougher.

So what did Martin teach me?

I don't know what was going through Dr. King's mind as he spoke on that Sunday morning news program, but it seemed like he was being carried by something greater than himself. Remember, there were more than a few people who wanted him dead.

Courage is manifested by something greater than ourselves.

Sadly, we live in a time where real courage is often not summoned. We now manufacture events and circumstances to show our faux-courage. We've found a way to manage authentic courage out of our daily lives. Our careers, our parenting, our relationships are often managed to avoid the difficult and daunting.

I find myself thankful for what Martin taught me. The reality that every human being is called to something courageous. It may be small or it may be large. But regardless, we are called.

The question remains, are we listening to that voice?

Oct 16, 2013 1:13:00 PM | Coaching, Leadership Development, Learning

Friday, October 04, 2013

The Deal on Money

I haven't dedicated much space here on the subject of money. The deal on money for me is pretty straightforward:

Give 10%, Invest 10% and live on the remaining 80%
Don't chase money

Number one is a guideline and number two is a non-negotiable.

The deal on money is also about the crazy stuff people will do to get it. And by the way, it applies to the poor and the rich. Equal opportunity stuff in every shape and form. For example, some pro athletes make multi-millions over a short period of time and many will end up broke a few years after retirement. All that chasing for what? Crazy.

Focus on creating great art and work. Money always follows that, sometimes in a wierd way, but eventually it will. Good financial wellbeing is found here.

Oct 4, 2013 7:07:00 AM | Coaching, Entrepreneur Advice, Learning, Wellbeing

Friday, September 27, 2013

The Fog

Had a conversation with my wife last week, indirectly about the fog that comes with life. The conversation was my wife talking and me listening. I learned a lot about her and I learned a lot about myself.

So what about this fog?

In that conversation with my wife, she expressed her unhappiness with the current state of things. Normal. It wasn't about our marriage, but the fog of life. The Circumstances that press against us. Since I've got a good pulse of who's out there, I know you feel me. We concluded once again that life is tough work. Regardless of what you hear from _______, life is tough work.

When she finished and we moved on, I asked myself why I'm often not fazed by the fog thing. All of sudden a rush of memories came over me. I started 40 years backward. Each one checking a box. I came away not just knowing, but understanding.

It is abundantly clear that I have had a life checkered with fog (tragedies, struggles, crossroads, etc.). I'm sure, upon reflection, you might say the same. The point is not about which is better. Even though, in America, many have duped into believing that the best life is the one absent of problems. We act in a manner that says this is true. One thing is clear for me. A good part of my life has been shaped by my fog. I seriously doubt that I would be doing what I do, if it wasn't for those crucibles. I am thankful.

My understanding today is we need to see fog as clear. Real life is found here.

Sep 27, 2013 7:05:00 AM | Coaching, Entrepreneur Advice, Learning, Wellbeing

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Going in With Eyes Wide Open

Every human has emotional, mental and spiritual needs. And certainly those differ from person to person. The trick is who or what you use/ask to meet the needs.

One area that I have observed that is way out of whack is our use of work in meeting needs. Many folks have expectations of their employers that are totally unrealistic. One of the best examples is unspoken (unwritten in most cases) agreement when a job is taken/filled..Often the employee sees it as a statement of worth that "xyz" employer would hire him or her. Conversely, the employer assumes the employee knows that the relationship is conditional. Conditional in that the job remains as long as the economic output justifies it.

I belieive you're responsible for yourself and not your employer. My point is the necessity of going in with eyes wide open. Doing and creating great work doesn't hurt either.

Sep 19, 2013 9:05:00 AM | Business Commentary, Coaching, Entrepreneur Advice, Learning

Friday, September 13, 2013

Have You Seen This Movie?

There's a blockbuster movie playing right now. Have you seen this movie? Don't get me wrong, the movie may not be your cup of tea. You may hate it. You may love it.

It's your life.

My reel has been going on for some time now. So many roles and so many questions. The challenge is you can't sit back with a bowl of popcorn and see it unfold. Other people can, though.

Enter Brian.

Brian told me the other week that he's been watching my movie. He gave me confirmation of what I hoped was unfolding (significance versus success). I think I nodded and thanked him with a level of awkwardness. The awkwardness came from my recollection of the times that I screwed up. Those scenes you'd rather have left on the cutting room floor. I still walked away, just the same, happy for the glimpse.

Do you have someone who can tell you what your movie has been like? Here's the trick, if you walk around like a dead man or woman, most people will have a hard time remembering anything you've created. I'm struck by how our world allows human beings to walk around like a zombies.

Make a movie worth seeing.

Sep 13, 2013 6:52:21 AM | Coaching, Learning, Wellbeing

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Are You An Entrepreneur Yet?

One of my coaching clients sent me this article on entrepreneurism. Specifically, the coming change in our workplace landscape. Many would say we're under way and I agree. The article includes a telling infographic as well.

So what are you doing about the shift? No drastic measures needed (maybe), just some hard looking and processing. One of the best ways to do this is written planning. Brainstorm the thing and ask lots of questions. By the way, throw the glamour, riches and elation around your employer out the window. This is about your work (the unique talents, gifts and passions forged into one), not your career, not your 401K.

I've written about this topic for some time. It was nice to have a client forward on an article of this magnitude. It encouraged me and it made me realize the work still to be done.

Sep 10, 2013 7:12:00 AM | Business Commentary, Coaching, Entrepreneur Advice, News and Updates, Wellbeing

Thursday, September 05, 2013

Value

I've been thinking a lot about value lately. Specifically, the conversations and presence with my kids. In the last seven years my core has been fully engaged with them. Not because I'm some rock star at parenting or a nominee for father of the year. Believe me, I've tripped and blown it more times than I care to remember. It has been a God-induced form of luck, struggles and on-purpose effort.

I didn't always find real value in my kids. I loved them and many times justified my career chasing as a benefit they'd reap from. I was afraid and self-absorbed. Always thinking I would get the time, find the time or that time would send me a relationship wrapped in red ribbons. It is about prioritizing and being deliberate about pouring yourself into the relationship. I was humbled by that truth. And, yes, it carries tremendous risk. Living always presents this and there is no living without it.

I'm now at a place where I understand true value and I am learning the art of living it out. Living it out means seeing, in the arena of my family, my relationship with them as equally valuable as a financial pursuit or a social engagement.

Here's the potential rub for you and me. If we're not careful we'll allow our career to dominate the other 7/8ths of life. Like a drug, we'll want (not need) that fix. You know, the feeling of importance, fake significance and most dangerously, identity. Don't fall for this, don't buy into your employer who tries to convince you that their most important should be your most important. Like Steven Pressfield's Resistance, in the book, The War of Art, there is something fighting against your best intentions.

A few years ago a friend of mine told me he thought I was courageous to walk away from a career that had taken over much of my life. I wasn't, but I did see (sometimes not clearly) value in life and living. That truth remains.

Sep 5, 2013 7:03:00 AM | Coaching, Learning, Relationships, Wellbeing

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Value of Life, The Value of Today

Got to thinking this morning about worry and the time extinguished by it. I can't think of one instance in my life where worry has produced a breakthrough, happiness or satisfaction. You are probably thinking I've just entered the "duh" zone because we all know this. Right? The truth is many know, but few do.

So why bother worrying? Who taught us how to worry? Who wrote the book on the 10 Proven Success Strategies of Worrying?

The take-away is found in our lack of embrace of life and the time given (implies a gift) to us on this big ball known as Earth. We don't see our life as a whole, but parts. We pick and choose what we like (usually the pain-fee comfortable ones) and ignore or run from the others. Believe me, I understand that it's not all a matter of choosing the path you might be on. Some of us were influenced by parents, teachers, marketing, and society's version of the truth. We thought we were making the right choice. Like the person who places their trust in someone who seemed honest, but was just a good actor/actress. Regardless of that, we cannot excuse ourselves from making a change for the better.

The value of today has all but been erased in our thought process. We're too busy to stop and look around. Wer're rushing to things and outcomes that we can't be sure have any value at all. Almost like closing your eyes, jumping and hoping that what you've been taught will deliver. This is really a vivid portrait of a culture taking much for granted. We don't stop and ask the tough questions of why, does this fit who I am, is this meaningful to me?

So how much time do you have to get this life in order?

I'm throwing the following out to you as way of stopping you in your tracks:

Stop denying who you are! Stop stuffing the real you in a closet for the sake of the opinions of others. I think Steve Jobs referred to this as "others dogma." If you've decided to put all your chips on being someone else, then prepare to meet the real you further down the road.
Stop thinking you have time to get around to X or Y. This is akind to someone who continues to ignore their human relationships. They figure the other person doesn't need to hear certain words (I Love You) becuase they already know it's true. Goodbye is the usual outcome here. Warped logic.
Stop embracing your career as if having a great career will make everything else fall into place. Listen up, I tried this and it does not work.
Stop bankrupting your opportunities for happiness. This happens when you abdicate the choice of happiness to circumstances, people, etc.
Create a stop-doing list and create the margin your life has been screaming for. A stop-doing list is simply you evaluating the habits, events, etc. and making the concisous decision to stop.

Aug 27, 2013 7:08:00 AM | Coaching, Entrepreneur Advice, Learning

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Looking Back Thing

Looking back has tremendous value. I'm not referring to looking back with regret. Looking back with regret usually leads to mental paralysis. I'm speaking of looking back to gain perspective and clarity.

For me, a large part of the looking back thing is getting a sense of the notes God's been playing in the symphony of life. This has helped me be more aware of what the future could look like. My gut becomes centered around knowing what my next move should be. Here recently, the movement in that symphony tells me change is coming in my life.

Now before you think this is some overly spiritual pursuit or a complex riddle to solve, it can be very straightforward if you let it. For example, let's say your history in work has been most successful in large organizations. Maybe you've excelled there because of structure and well-established processes. Now, a new, smaller organization wants you to come on board and do your magic. Looking back will help you understand where you've performed best and what environments work best for you. It doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't work for a small organization because they're still forming, it just means looking back can inform you of where you perform best. It might even be a predictor of your success. I've had to make more than a few mistakes in this dept. to learn this.

The following are what I consider to be keys to the looking back thing:

Stay away from regret when looking back. You can't rewrite history, so no sense in lingering over what could have been. This is hard work and your wellbeing will be the better for it.
Be humble. Don't think of yourself as rock star. An inflated ego will always distort your view.
Look back to inform and keep record of it. Refer back to it often.
Don't look for guarantees. Be willing to make a mistake. Often, mistakes lead to breakthroughs.
Find someone or people to be a sounding board for what you're thinking.
Get a coach. It can help you clear the clutter and find the gold hidden.

Aug 22, 2013 7:23:51 AM | Coaching, Entrepreneur Advice, Learning, Wellbeing

Epic Living - Wellbeing Expert, Entrepreneur, Author, Man on A Mission

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