In my last post I outlined the importance of embracing the 90/10 rule. Today I have something to share from my own experience relating to the 10% part of the rule. You can definitely apply this to your career and many other areas of life.
My wife and I moved our 8 year-old daughter to a new school back in December. I won't elaborate on our reasons, but in the end we thought it better for her to be at a different school. We prayed, we researched and we took action.
It was my thought that my daughter would transition well. My main reason for thinking this way was her personality (social animal who has never met a stranger) wiring. I felt she would make friends, rise to the occasion and the rest would be history.
Now here's what I didn't expect: a little girl that desperately wants everyone to like her. I know those of you out there who are counselors would remind me that I didn't prepare her for the inevitable rejection she would encounter. Fair enough.
My main point here is that-smart or dumb-I really didn't expect this challenge. And I am discovering things about my daughter that I didn't know before. Fortunately, I have a wife who carries much wisdom and I am being sensitive to my daughter's movement through a big change.
So what if I denied that my daughter was experiencing this? What if I ignored it? You know what the results would be.
Here are some specific insights for dealing with the 10%:
You don't have to like what happens, you just have to tackle it head on (delicately in the case of my daughter).
Don't expect things to be easy (change is a process, not an event).
You will make mistakes in your dealing with the 10%. Just ask my daughter on this one:).
Sometimes you're gonna be powerless to do anything. That's OK, you don't have control over everything in life.
There's a reason the 10% could be considered the land of the crucible. Fire makes impurities rise to the surface. We need to get rid of those, and that can be painful.
September 11 is only a couple of days away. For those living in America (and beyond), it is a sacred day. As well it should be.
I remember much about that day 10 years ago. It stll shapes much of my thinking as a context for the life I lead now. The events left me exposed. In the sense that I was trying to find my way with the wrong compass.
I heard the stories of mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters who would never come home again. I felt sad. But there I was, taking for granted much in my life. I was a little lost and wandering what my role (the real one) was to play. It took some years after 9/11 to get to the following place:
I am no longer in the business of taking things for granted.
At some point events converged and I began to see my life as a whole and not just parts. And again, it took me time to understand it and live it. Twists in the road made for much sickness. It was a process that I worked (still do) and committed to. I didn't want to be that person who woke one day to find he'd never really lived.
An odd thing occurred last week at a talk I attended. I was asked what my greatest fear was. The answer:
Not doing meaningful work, paid or otherwise.
For me it was a gut check on what I believe, what I value and whether I was willing to see my mission through until the end. I know this post won't bring anyone back or heal a broken heart, but it's worth noting I am no longer in the business of taking things for granted. Maybe that's the best tribute I can give.
Have you reached that point in your life when you suddenly
realize that there are more days behind you than there are ahead of you? If you
have, then you may find yourself wondering “was it all worth it?” or maybe
even, “is this all there is?”
The midpoint of life, under normal circumstances, is an intense
transitional experience. These are not normal circumstances. The current
economic, social, political, physical and spiritual environments seem to be
more turbulent than at any other time in recent memory.
Some of us may be facing involuntary career changes. Many of us
are watching the retirement funds we so carefully and painfully saved over a
lifetime, evaporate right before our eyes.
We may have once dreamed of retiring, but now a body that arises
each day with the discovery of new aches and pains, is joined by a mind that
awakens to the reality that the rest it had been promising itself for so many
years continues to linger, like a desert mirage, just on the horizon ahead.
This is suppose to be a time when everything we have labored for
comes together for our own good as we triumphantly live into the sunset of our
legacy. Yet, as we stand on the edge of own “Legacy Cliff”, it is so easy to
think, “I can’t get there from here.”
For some, the second half of life ushers in a melancholy moment
of despair. This is because society celebrates youth and encourages us to
tightly hang on and celebrate it with the utmost zeal for as long as we
possibly can. Yet the longer we hang on the more fearful we become. For when we
live by the light of our greatest hits, we find ourselves increasingly unable
to do what we “use to could” do.
This can be a very confusing time because the first half of life
naturally calls us to define ourselves by what we do. The future calls us to
examine who we are, and who we want to be; which can be a very scary thing
Living into the future affords us the opportunity of regaining
and maintaining our energy. We must be willing to leave behind everything we
have done for the sake of living into who we are supposed to be. To be clear,
the only way we can survive the trip over the “Legacy Cliff” is to let go of
the past and live into the future.
That sounds harder to do than it is. All that is required is an
evaluation of who we want to be. To live into this defining moment we must be
willing to see who it is that we want to be before we cross the finish line of
life. Then we must allow this vision of potential to permeate our being. By
that I mean that we allow this vision to purposefully guide every thing we do.
It isn’t that we no longer do; rather we insure that our doing is
connected to who we want to be. As we look to the future we realize that we can
no longer sacrifice what really matters to the demands of what merely
momentarily matters.
The first half of life is filled with dreams. The second half of
life is filled with aspirations. Dreaming means to listen to our desires and
invent an image of the future. Aspiring means to breathe life into the deepest
desires of our heart.
As we spend our most productive moments contributing value at
work, we often tell ourselves that the day will come when we can live into our
own aspirations. That day only comes for those who go over the cliff without
any thought of looking back.
Happiness comes to those who realize that they no longer need to
worry about what they are losing as they age. Instead they see and understand
the gains that come from growing whole.
To me, growing whole means becoming the person that I was always
meant to be. It means reaching for my personal potential. It invites greater
levels of self-awareness. To become whole, I must be willing to examine every
aspect of my life. I must be willing to embrace being who I am over doing what
I do. I must be willing to learn and grow.
Wholeness inspires a constant focus on reaching for the next
level. Our eyes must always be looking to a promising and fulfilling future.
When we stop reaching for the next level, we start feeling out of focus,
disconnected, and even burnt out.
Sometimes, legacy is incorrectly defined by what we leave behind.
While most of us are strongly connected to that idea, I have come to appreciate
the probability that legacy also yields a forward-facing and future outcome.
Only a portion of our legacy is bestowed upon those who follow us. The other
portion is carried on with us as we move toward our own potential.
In fact, the etymology of the word legacy presents a convincing
argument that it was never intended to be about what we leave behind. Instead
it suggests that it denoted the continual shaping and reshaping of a future
outcome.
Thus, living into our legacy inspires multiple directions. What
we leave behind is important but the purpose of this life is to learn and grow
through our own experiences. This means we be willing to live into a bright
future. To do otherwise is to grow old and die. Yes we will cross the finish
line someday, but the notable energy levels of one who crosses in wholeness
compared to those who cross in oldness is quite remarkable.
Normally, this is the space where you get to hear all of the
suggestions an author has for you, some sort of numbered step by step list for
you to live into the things being prescribed. But this wouldn’t be your list,
so it wouldn’t be very meaningful.
Instead, I want you the reader to be the coauthor of this
article. In fact, I want you to write the ending all by yourself. It is my hope
that you will take a moment to reflect on the following questions and come up
with your our list. I am certain that doing so will allow you to fly right over
the Legacy Cliff as you identify the person you want to be. Are you ready?
Who do you want to be when you grow whole?
As soon as you get a clear picture of who you want to be in your
mind, please capture your the actions you must take to become that person. What
are they?
Now, before you leave this space please decide if you are
committed to doing those actions so that you may become that person. Be honest
with yourself. If you are not, then go back to step one and redefine who it is
you want to be.
If you gave this your full attention, then you are now free to
let go of the past by living into your future. It’s your legacy. Reach for it.
Dr. Andrew Thorn is the founder of Telios Corporation and
creator of TheTelios Experience™. He holdsa
PhD in Consulting Psychology, a Masters in Personal and Executive Coaching, and
a Masters in Business Administration from Pepperdine University. Dr.
Thorn is also the author of U-wun-ge-lay-ma: A Guide to Next-level
Living and the upcoming book Who Do You Want To Be When
You Grow Whole? The Future of Meaning and Purpose. He
lives in Apple Valley, California with his wife Stacy and seven children.
I wrote the following post almost 5 years ago. In some ways timeless. I'm convinced everyday that I don't "have time." A great sadness that many live everyday thinking they do.
I'm all for finishing strong/well. However, the myth of your best years being found in some future day is insane. I say that due to the importance of the choices you make now and how they will determine those years-taking for granted that you'll see them. Forever now!
I can't think of a more fitting place than our career to illustrate how this type of logic reigns. It's subltle and deceptive all at the same time. If a leader doesn't see his or her life as a whole, then a incongruent outcome is almost always certain.
As leaders seek to navigate a career and a life, I would suggest the following:
Think long and hard about value. Specifically, the value you're creating over time. In many ways it's like starring in your own motion picture. Create Epic Value for all those playing a part in your story. Keep in mind, there are no do-overs. You will either create value or you won't.
Before you read that next journal, newspaper or marketing pitch take a step back and question the motives of the messengers. For example, many marketers are dying on the vine, so selling is job 1. What they're selling might be designed to move you in a direction that isn't aligned with your destiny.
Stop thinking you have time. We're all terminal, its just that some know and some don't. Don't mean to go morbid here, but seeing life as a limited time offer should inspire you to stop screwing around with small desires (titles, money, fame, and power).
Be Authentic! Let the world see who you really are! If you don't like who you are or think that who you are has no value, then contact me and I can prove that you have a reason to be who you are.
Place more value on people than math, no matter how much the numbers say to do otherwise. Besides, if you're in a position where numbers matter more than people, be afraid, be very afraid.
"The accident happened on June 19 1999. King was strolling alongside Route 5 near his home in Bangor and looking forward to seeing a film with his family later that evening. As he walked, a Dodge truck barreled towards him. It was driven by Bryan Smith, a drug user with multiple driving convictions. A Rottweiler called Bullet was loose in the truck and had jumped on to a seat where there was a cooler of hamburger meat Smith had bought for a barbecue. Smith became distracted by his dog, swerved across the highway and hit King. The writer managed to turn his head a little before impact and thus missed being struck by a steel support post on the truck that would probably have killed him.
King's head left a many-tentacled crack in the windscreen. He broke his right hip joint, four ribs and his right leg in nine places. His spine was damaged in eight places. "The accident gave me a real sense of mortality, a sense of hurry that I didn't have before. Not immediately, but about a year after the accident I was able to say: 'That guy nearly killed me.'" Smith died of an overdose 15 months later on September 21, King's birthday."
The following infographic really does a good job at informing on how social media impacts job seekers and students. Much talk about this lately and forewarned is forearmed. Enjoy!
In the market we find ourselves in, I think it wise to stand out from the herd. One excellent way is through the medium of video. In this post I'm specifically thinking of the video resume.
Video resumes are not new. That said, I think video can be intimidating for many. This article from Eugen Lim is a great start as you consider this approach. I like Eugene's insights because she has experience on her side. Not in years, but in, she's learning and about to embark on what many are in the midst of.
Enjoy the video and I hope it helps you get to that desired place-may it be Epic.
The following is a guest post from Phillip Reed. Phillip is associated with Westwood College in the Colorado area.
There are many ways one can look at higher education: you can look at it as a way of spending several years immersing yourself in the history, culture and philosophy of the world around you; you can look at it as an effective way of broadening your employment prospects; or you can look at is as a financial investment. It’s this last perspective that we will discuss here, as return on investment (ROI) is a significant issue in higher education today.
Thinking of higher education as a financial investment is important, because, like it or not, it’s expensive. Any expense of that magnitude should ideally have some lasting benefit in your life, and in this case that benefit is a substantially increased level of knowledge. While it would be difficult to argue a direct ROI from higher education, it’s clear enough that it can be achieved in an indirect way. That is to say, you pay a certain amount for the knowledge, that knowledge translates to a higher level of employment, and that employment brings you a larger sum than the amount you invested. Simple, no?
Again, though, that’s an ideal situation, and it’s not something that everybody can count on, or should count on. For those who are looking at education as an investment and not strictly as an opportunity for personal growth and enlightenment, some up-front planning and research is crucial.
Higher education, after all, can be expensive. And, as we know, high salaries are by no means guaranteed. It’s important, then, to weigh two things:
So far, that’s straight forward enough. And, fortunately, you have a bit of wiggle room in both areas.
For starters, the cost of education can vary depending upon whether or not you qualify for grants, your place of residence, the nature of the institution (community college or online college are often significantly less expensive, for example), the speed with which you complete your degree, and other factors that are relatively within your control.
In terms of your potential salary, there’s a lot less control you can exercise. You can, however, understand that salary can increase over time, and by working hard and investing yourself more deeply in your work you can potentially expect your annual income to grow. If it doesn’t, you may be able to leverage yourself a better deal with a competitor or, depending upon your given field, by going into business for yourself.
This kind of versatility is not consistent across disciplines, so research yours in particular before you count on being able to write your own ticket. For instance, a computer programmer may well go into business for himself if he is not satisfied in his job in a particular company, but a medical assistant may not have that luxury. A computer programmer may also find himself in demand enough that he may be able to negotiate a better salary or benefits in return for staying with his current employer, while a clerk or receptionist may not enjoy the same element of irreplaceability, and can therefore expect a level of compensation determined by his or her employer.
When you stack up a rough cost against a rough expectation of payout, you’ll want to see the latter much greater than the former. If the former outweighs the latter, then you have a problem with your investment.
For instance, take a look at this article from Financial Highway. They highlight several majors that may not have an acceptable ROI in today’s economic climate, including Social Work, Liberal Arts, and Horticulture. (Sorry, horticulturalists…we didn’t create the list!) Of course they don’t delve into exactly how much a representative degree in these fields would cost…they couldn’t do that, as the possibilities are too vast to consider in a general article like this one. That’s the student’s job.
After all, ROI is relative. It may be true that the money you spend on a Criminal Justice degree at one college might not see its cost easily recouped, but a similar degree obtained at a less expensive school might just tip the scales a bit, and make the job that much more profitable.
For a sunnier counterbalance to the above list, check out this article as well. It’s a list of degrees with high ROI, and this time they do try to break it down by dollar and percentage. As always, you will need to do your own research (after all, they sure didn’t contact your college of choice and future employer to get this information!) but this might provide some food for thought when considering what to take into account when making your decision.
Weighing your options beforehand can help you to avoid regret and disappointment down the line. As unromantic as it might sound to say, a focus on potential ROI should be a deciding factor for those considering higher education for the sake of employment. For those who see college as a chance to grow as human beings, it’s less important…but anyone who wants to secure their future financially would do well to do their research up front, rather than struggle to make up for a lack of research later.
The following is a re-post of something I wrote over 3 years ago. Had a conversation yesterday with a peer and we still see way too much of this:
Talked to a friend yesterday who works for a large organization with many deadlines and targets to hit. She's a star in the company's eyes. And like other "stars," she tends to get access to places and people that average performers don't. She takes advantage of the opportunity-in a good way. What's frustrating this star is managment's lack of clarity around directives. Management has taken the approach of "need to know basis." That might work at the CIA, but not in an organization made up of performance-workers.
Funny thing about star performers, they demand clarity. It isn't given often with management.
Why the dichotomy? A languishing leadership/management culture as far as I can see. The company may have a viable product, long-standing customer base, and a model that's effective in good times and bad. But getting managers who understand how to lead great performers is tough. Here are a few reasons:
High insecurity on the part of the manager. Maybe they were taught (erroneously) that they were supposed to be the smartest gal/guy in the room. The reality of this can be crushing to some.
The manager may talk a good game around diversity, but leading diverse people in real-life does not come through.
The manager has atrophied in their leadership and just wants people to follow orders.
When managers are vague, it creates an environment of vigilantes. Everyone (star performers and bottom-feeders) wants to take control based on how they need to survive. In many ways, the manager has become nothing more than a body in a suit.
Restoring (assuming it was there some time in the past) clarity is vital. To not to do this would be organizational suicide.
Who Do You Connect With on Social Media?
The following infographic really does a good job at informing on how social media impacts job seekers and students. Much talk about this lately and forewarned is forearmed. Enjoy!
Compiled By: OnlineDegrees.org