From time-to-time I wonder about how present I've been with my kids. As a parent it's so easy to be waited down by the cares and struggles of life. You might call them distractions of the most insidious form. Whether a career moving in an unpredictable fashion or a fractured relationship with a friend. The siege guns roaring at you. They never seem to stop do they? In the end, tt doesn't matter because time just keeps moving and you wonder how you got where you find yourself.
As my kids have gotten older, my parenting approach has changed. In some arenas I'm more of a teacher. In some areas I'm just a father with no words, just listening. When you watch the change in yourself it reminds you of the brevity of this window you have to influence. And though influence never fully goes away, these are the "wonder" years. As things go, my daughter who is almost a teen, received the holiday edition of the American Girl catalog last week. When she arrived home from school that day, I asked her if she wanted the catalog. Part of me knew she would refuse, but another part of me hoped she wouldn't. Of course she did refuse and I stared at the catalog with a bit of melancholy thinking of girl that had merged into someone new.
The someone new requires flexing and change. It really forces me to move to the new, even if I'd prefer the old. This is a good thing. A way in which God uses to get me out of the land meant only for my memories. Isn't that what we're supposed to be? This unfolding story with highs and lows, smiles and tears. And so I go onward.
I have figured out and accepted that I can't slow it all down. No unhealthy levels of nostalgia. A sense that it would be better to learn how to handle riding a fast and unpredictable horse. And as I learn this art, I can love, listen and influence. And for a boy that had a father that didn't say much of anything at all, I'd say that's a pretty good place to be.
